I always knew there was something different about this man. Professionally he was used to being in power. At home he had a constant need to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. My attention had to be on him. After the birth of my three daughters, the emotional abuse increased. He also developed an addiction to pornography. I made a decision not to have my daughters grow up in an abusive household and I left with nothing. The violence continued after separation through letters and emails-it was hard but I would do it again,’   ….Tanya

 

 On February 16, Spinifex women attended Be The Hero! Held at the Melbourne Town Hall, the event was organised by the Victorian Women’s Trust. It was part of Storming Against Violence 2012, a week of action and awareness of violence against women, and the Trust’s ongoing work in the community.

 Dr Jackson Katz, a leading U.S violence prevention advocate, internationally recognised for his groundbreaking work in the field of gender violence prevention education, addressed the audience and called on men to do a lot more to prevent violence against women. ‘Domestic violence and sexual violence have been seen as woman’s issues but these are also men’s issues,’ he said. ‘Everywhere women look over their shoulders and limit themselves because of the threat of domestic violence’ said Katz. He said that few men have spoken up and taken a stand against domestic violence. He challenged men, particularly those in leadership positions to get involved and confront violence against women.

 

Katz explained that the current manner in which matters of domestic violence are referred to as women’s issues gives men an excuse not to do anything about it. ‘Men have been rendered invisible’, he said. This is perpetuated by the media which frequently reports that ‘a woman was raped’, omitting any mention of the perpetrator. He stressed the importance of inserting the active agent.

 

 Reporters at The Brisbane Times also need to learn how to report on domestic violence. Yesterday they reported the death of a small boy thrown off the Story Bridge in Brisbane by his father who then jumped. The news item did not identify this as domestic violence, instead it referred to the father, who had just murdered his son, as a ‘top bloke’. In this article the inevitable loss and suffering of the child’s mother was rendered invisible.

 

The VWT’s Be The Hero forum departed from previous protocol where the activists and researchers deliberating on matters of domestic violence were women. On this occasion it was Jackson Katz along with Dr Michael Flood, a sociologist at the University of Wollongong and a White Ribbon Ambassador, and Be-The-Hero co-ordinator Paul Zappa. Not everyone agrees with this change of order.  The executive director of the Victorian Women’s Trust, Mary Crooks told the audience she had received a call from a supporter who was highly critical of the Trust’s decision to invite only men to speak about domestic violence.

 

 While it’s easy to understand that this new approach might be interpreted as ‘fraternising with the enemy’, maybe it’s time to consider the role that men can play in reaching abusers and potential violators.

 

 In his presentation, Dr Michael Flood acknowledged the great debt that society owes to feminist research and activism. In the 1960s and 70s, the public interest and action around domestic violence grew after feminist activists established refuges for female victims and their children. Over the last forty years, both public and private funding has been provided for shelters, laws against domestic violence have been toughened and education programs for health care professionals to recognise the symptoms of DV have been established. But Domestic violence still poses the greatest risk for disease and premature death for women 15 to 44 years-old. In 2009 the economic cost of violence against women to the Australian community was 13.6 billion dollars.

Michael Flood spoke about the unequal gender roles that still exist in society today. ‘Men’s violence is grounded in systematic inequality between men and women,’ he said. ‘We have to stop using words ‘bitch’ and ‘cunt’ – our language has to change’. He said there is a real need for society to be aware of the way that woman are portrayed in pornography and he called on governments to end inequality and for men to mobilise and join movements such as The White Ribbon Campaign.

 

 Flood is understandably concerned about the influence of pornography on relationships between men and women. Currently we live in an increasingly pornographic world where brutal and violent images that depict porn stars having their vaginas and anuses penetrated by more than one penis at a time are instantly downloadable. Such brutal images cannot help but perpetuate the inequality between men and women and the sexual violence against all women.

 

 On the Spinifex Press table were many books written and published about violence against women such as Big Porn Inc which exposes the harms of the global pornographic industry, Pornland :  How porn has hijacked our sexuality, and Not For Sale: Feminists resisting prostitution and pornography.

 

Let’s hope they get the message and pass it on!